Growth has become a buzzword. I mean, everyone wants to grow.
Everyone wants more confidence, better relationships, a fulfilling career, and a life that feels aligned.
But very few of us are willing to consistently put ourselves in situations that require us to become someone different.
Lately, I've been reading two books that challenged the way I think about rejection and discomfort.
Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang tells the story of intentionally seeking rejection, not because rejection is the goal, but because our fear of it quietly shapes so many of our decisions.
At the same time, I started reading Go for No, which teaches that success isn't built by avoiding "no." It's built by becoming someone who is no longer controlled by it.
Those books made me stop and ask myself...
Where am I still allowing discomfort to make my decisions for me?
The answer surprised me.
It wasn't in obvious places.
It was in small moments.
Walking into a room where I don't know anyone. Starting conversations with strangers. Speaking up first. Staying when every part of me wants to leave.
That's when I decided to create my own version of exposure therapy.
Not because I'm trying to eliminate fear. But because I want to stop letting fear make my decisions.
For each episode, I'm intentionally putting myself into situations that stretch my nervous system.
Not dangerous situations. Just uncomfortable ones.
The goal isn't to perform. The goal is to observe. What thoughts show up? What stories does my mind create? What does my body do? What old patterns get activated?
And most importantly...
Who am I becoming through the process?
For my first challenge, I attended a sound bowl event. The assignment I gave myself was simple.
Talk to three people I didn't know. That doesn't sound particularly difficult unless your nervous system has learned to scan unfamiliar environments before deciding whether it's safe to engage.
I noticed myself wanting to stay on the edges. Waiting for the "right" opportunity. Hoping someone else would initiate.
Sound familiar?
It wasn't that I lacked the ability to talk to people. It was that my nervous system preferred certainty over discomfort.
So instead of listening to that impulse...
I started conversations anyway. The first one was in the elevator on the way up to the event. She was a sweet woman, also going alone and doing something outside her comfort zone.
The other two exchanges lasted about a minute.
They didn't need to be perfect. That wasn't the point. Although, I do wish I pushed myself a bit more.
The biggest lesson had nothing to do with talking to strangers.
It came afterward.
My instinct was to leave as soon as I completed the challenge.
Mission accomplished.
Next time, I want to stay a few more minutes PAST my system alerting me it is time to go.
If you watched the video, you know I gave myself a C+.
Not because I failed. Because I know I stayed within my comfort zone more than I wanted to.
But this series isn't about perfection. It's about honest self-assessment. The goal isn't to impress anyone. The goal is to become more aware. Because awareness creates choice. And choice creates change.
It would be much easier to do these challenges privately.
But I know I'm not the only one whose nervous system sometimes whispers...
"Leave."
"Don't say anything."
"You don't belong here."
"Stay where it's safe."
If documenting my own journey helps even one person recognize those same patterns in themselves, then it's worth every uncomfortable moment.
This series isn't about becoming fearless.
It's about becoming freer.
Freer from the subconscious programming that was created years ago.
Freer from the childhood experiences that taught us to avoid discomfort.
Freer to make decisions based on who we're becoming instead of who we've always been.
That's the experiment.
And this was just Episode 1.
If you're interested in personal growth, nervous system regulation, and creating a more aligned life after 40, you may also enjoy exploring these topics:
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