Exposure Therapy #3: I Went to a Latin Festival Alone

I went to a Latin festival by myself.

Now, going somewhere alone isn't completely outside of my comfort zone. I've gone dancing alone. I've gone to events alone. I can walk into a place by myself.

But here's what I started noticing about how I was doing it.

I would go in.

Do what I came to do.

Avoid making too much eye contact.

And leave.

Technically, I was doing things alone.

But was I actually allowing myself to be fully present in the experience? I mean, not really.

And that's part of what this Exposure Therapy Challenge has been about for me.

There's a Difference Between Doing Something and Feeling Safe Doing It

This challenge started because I wanted to deliberately put myself in situations that stretched me.

Not recklessly.

Not by forcing myself into situations I genuinely don't want.

But by paying attention to those moments when my nervous system says:

Get out. Go home. Don't talk to anyone. Stay where it's comfortable.

And then experimenting with staying a little longer.

Engaging a little more.

Being a little more visible.

At the Latin festival, I decided I wasn't going to hide on the sidelines.

I walked right up toward the front. I faced everyone there.

There were people everywhere.

And instead of wanting to disappear, I remember thinking:

I'm actually doing this.

And then something even better happened.

I had fun.

A LOT of fun.

Confidence Needs Evidence

We talk so much about becoming more confident.

 Confidence doesn't come before you do the thing. Doing the thing is what creates the confidence.

Every new experience gives my nervous system another piece of information:

You did that.

You handled it.

You were okay.

You might even want to do it again.

That's very different from sitting at home trying to convince yourself that you're confident enough to do something.

You're creating evidence.

And the more evidence I give myself, the more I'm noticing something change.

Things I've automatically categorized as "I don't do that" are starting to become:

"Actually... maybe I could."

And Now I'm Questioning Some of My Other "Nevers"

One of mine has always been traveling alone.

I'll go somewhere alone locally.

I'll walk into an event alone.

But take an actual vacation by myself?

I've always said no.

Not interested.

Wouldn't do it.

Except now...

I'm not quite as convinced. 😂

Because that's what's interesting about expanding your comfort zone.

The confidence you build in one area doesn't necessarily stay there.

Your nervous system starts collecting evidence that you're more capable than you thought you were.

And suddenly you start questioning other limitations you've placed around yourself.

Maybe some of the things you've decided aren't "you" really aren't you.

But maybe some of them are simply things you haven't felt comfortable enough to experience yet.

There's a difference.

What Have You Already Decided You "Can't" Do?

Maybe yours isn't going to a festival alone.

Maybe it's walking into a networking event where you don't know anyone.

Traveling alone.

Dating again after divorce.

Starting over in your career after 40.

Speaking in front of a room.

Starting the business.

Putting yourself on camera.

Having the conversation.

Asking for what you want.

The goal isn't to become fearless.

I'm becoming much more interested in something else:

What happens when I stop requiring myself to feel comfortable before I'm willing to act?

Because every time I do something that stretches me and discover that I'm okay on the other side, my world gets a little bigger.

Exposure Therapy #3?

I'm giving myself an A. 😂

And apparently, solo travel is no longer completely off the table.

Stay tuned.